a few days left on my winter break and i havent enjoyed much of it. i drove up to oregon to spend the holidays with johnny but ive been haunted with finals nightmares. dreams about marketing papers and presentations. nightmares about scrambling at 4am, the day of finals, and havent finished any of the three presentations i have to give that day. first one beginning at 8:30am, followed by the second one at 12pm, and finally ending at 3pm. but the thing is, it wasnt just a dream. it really happened. and yet i pulled it off somehow. if you only understood the stress. the panic of being unprepared. not having completed a thing. each presentation missing a little more than the last. let alone not knowing that your going to say, especially for the 30 minute presentation. sleepless for over 24 hours and the 3 hour commute is not helping. falling asleep and losing it. wishing for a car wreck cos that was the only way solution i could come up with to get out of this day. i was going to be the first designer to fail the third year program. THE FIRST!
despite all the panic i managed to finish almost everything... and went unscripted. 6pm rolled around and the day was done. once our
executioners instructors and footwear program directors were done evaluating and grading our work, the four of us cheered like it was the last day of high school. wanting to toss our notebooks in the air and chucking our papers in the hall. instead we packed up and got ourselves some much need drinks. and dinner, our first meal of the day.
[last 3 months of my life: totally over it from day one. pulling all nighters.. as in staying up wednesday nights and driving straight to school thursday mornings for my longest day of the week. leaving at 5am and getting home after 10pm. thank you california traffic. looking and feeling like shit every week. 6 more months to go. give me a death pill plz]