all bullshit aside, i just wanna be me again

i have always set such demanding goals for myself and overwhelmed along the process to the point of never truly enjoying anything i originally set out to do.. it turns into this list of to-do's to mark off a list or my inner ego screams fail and the anxiety kicks in like a serial killer to my inspiration. but somewhere along the lines of the past month or so, i have instinctively cut ties to anything that does not a) feed me spiritually or b) boost my inspiration.  I have always claimed to be a "hedonist" but lets face it, a pisces could never be such things.. we do not live day to day with only our happiness in mind so my over committed driven mind-set takes over my calendar and insomnia promises the only true moments, i can be completely.. me.

i don't know what has happened.. but i like it.  i don't want to live my life for you anymore, do i sound harsh?  i want to travel.. i want to fall in love.. i want to go back to school simply because i can and i need to, at this moment.  i want to move, i want to redo my portfolio, i want to go on interviews and not take the job, i want to have dinner parties again, i want to go vintage window shopping, i want to take the train up north with only a back pack and a tooth brush, i want to do anything i want to do.. because that is what i feel i am meant to do.  i want to meet people, a lot of people and fall in love with their personalities and join their history because what else truly matters?

i want to inspire myself again.

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