own worst enemy

S T R E S S A figment of one's imagination A knife to your own throat At times taken to the extreme of attacking one's mind, body, spirit & soul.. pounding down those 'magic pills' in hopes of a cure. I, guilty of this deed had slowly wrapped myself around a devilish finger of self doubt, loathing & betrayal to the point of paranoia.. running and running on this never ending obstacle course, empty inside with hopes of finding a fuller me, the "once upon a time" me.. the, glass aint half full nor empty its over flowing, me. Yet night upon night, I'd sneak to the darkness overtaking my mind and watch the clock tick tock tick, to the moment of exhaustion... and explode, emotionally.. dramatically.. to the point of a permanence. I grew used to this rotting of emotion overtaking my soul. The girl always looked at as an "inspirational being" the one to come to when in need of that quick "pick me up" had in a, hypocritical sense.. grew tired - hiding behind the over sized smiles and pearly whites, overshadowing grinding teeth and quivering knees, a victim mindset silently took over - victim to a circumstance I controlled yet unaware of my own strength, chose the "easy route" and gave in.

panic attack - i need silence, panic attack - i need silence, panic attack - I NEED SILENCE!!!

Rotting down the core of my beauty, my essence, my being my ME i was meant to BE.. & i did all of this, willingly.