yesterday was nothing more than a lie

"now i lay me down to sleep.. blood stained cheeks emphasizing a momentary loss emotions brigade of truth and a million past lifes left as such i broke my heart willingly and placed the pieces throughout this polluted land scattered with hopes of another craving a taste, as i had intended life to be, an eager embrace to breathe love me..love me.. will you please? but the fight remained as i continued to mutilate myself personally

1 drop, 3 drop, 5 drop.. score sweaty palms of self doubt smearing blood of past life, love & lesson as a mask to my face, covering each laugh line and every breaking point until a solid deepened maroon grew strength.. fixated upon my face & found a new profession resume building, "i broke this beautifully weak creature down" as i pathetically screamed over and over again : "hide my weaknesses and build a wall, a safety blanket, my cowardly bubble.. i cannot open up, i will not get hurt, my stomach is in knots at the sound of anothers voice" 1 drop, 3 drop, 5 drop.. more the windows to my soul have changed multiple colors in the matter of this beautiful new moon lighter shades of grey, deeper tones of blue.. i have never witnessed such prophetic hues in hopes of a prodigy.. a reborn muse

yet with each glimmer of strength i took 4 steps back fearful eyes, negative thoughts, trembling knees in tact dear eyes, why do you cry? and with that, i continued my cycle.

...i pray the Lord my soul to keep...!

as i witnessed a past life clinging to the floor eyes avoiding contact as i had been raised to push forward a sense of "never gonna be good enough girl" had overthrown my backbone "YOU'RE NEVER GONNA BE GOOD ENOUGH GIRL, SO KEEP IT MOVIN!" background noise on cue.. draining and draining and stomping my heart so low to the ground the only sense of security left... was with the maggots of stench, a rot so fresh it could bring nightmares to the pookha graveyard fixated, imagery at best [i'll steal your children and eat their souls for breakfast] i had become obsessed with a past i took no part in in hopes of finding a future i'd be proud of [pass me the peppermint and sage to rid this negative cloud i am in search of a higher being a, stronger lover, a stranger in me]

...if I should die before i wake... please introduce me to the me i have yet to see and within a plead, a prayer was answered. he had listened, the universe heard me

secrets embraced, goosebumps caressing sun starved skin rosy cheeks, dark circles, soft breath an imperfected balance, a welcomed presence & hopeful future a life lesson inscripted recipe is being served for dinner & with an open ended secret between your ears and my voice.. the meaning to life [please mute your environment & listen close]

we are all here to love and to be loved we are all here to love and to be loved we are all here to love and to be loved

and with that, she fell to the ground a new woman had been born shedding the hurt, shedding the lies shedding the polluted sighs of plea do i dare say, i am a better me? & with each step she took, the beat grew louder she had begun taking back the pieces sculpting a passionate heart to replace the hole in her chest she learned to grow fond of.

...i pray the Lord my soul to take"