dear mutant.

today is the day i move forward with my head held high knowing i did everything i possibly could do, to make things right and even though your petty words, victim driven mindset & selfish antics may help you feel a tad better for justifying what took place or in your eyes, did not take place for that matter.. i know that i, unlike you, need not lie about myself to keep the few people in my life i have left.. i am me, completely.. and i truly feel sorry for you.  this is me, ending things.  i held a dear place for you in my heart and even after everything that had been said and done, continued with an open heart, justifying what you had done.. excusing things as a drunken night, because after all.. we are human, and human's fuck up.  but your careless words, ruthless lies & lack of remorse for the heartbreak you caused, proves i am forcing something to be that never truly was.  It is depressing to see things come to a place so cold, we were never meant for such isolation, such bitter hatred, such nastiness.. but it is, what it is and we are, what we are and it shall be, what it shall be.  You speak of Karma?  You mention Undermining?  You cough Manipulation?  The whole "don't fuck with a pisces" never even crossed my mind, I wanted to mend things. You never once put yourself in my shoes, the way i reacted was nothing compared to what could have been but i wear high heels and you wear vans, i am better than that and i chose to rise above your pettiness.  BENEFIT OF THE DOUBT BENEFIT OF THE DOUBT, THERE'S NO WAY SHE'D FUCK ME OVER THIS WAY.... it wasn't what happened dear mutant, it was how you handled it, or didn't handle for yet again, that matter. At this point there are no fingers to be pointed or excuses to be made or conversations to exhaust, I am through as I am sure you are.  These are my final words & with promise, I will bid you adieu and force myself to forget you.  Know that whether you lye awake at night crying, thinking, laughing, cursing, justifying, righting, manipulating, sobbing, forgetting, forgiving, reliving or just being.. i am doing the same in my own rightful way and somewhere deep down still finding the emotion to forgive you.  You lost a greater friend than i did and your actions prove this to be fact whether or not you push fiction down each and every bystanders throat, desperate for a justification, eager for a new soul to manipulate, another day, another day.. another day in your world.   h o w   d e p r e s s i n g .   i would have loved you forever, i would have stood by you through the harshest of weather, i would have forgiven you had you not twisted words and searched for any sort of reasoning to turn the hurt around on me.. Telling me, you are not sure you can be my friend at this moment, Telling me I need to start at square one, Telling me you can never forgive me for what I had done, [what had i done? changed passwords in an attempt to hurt you in a FRACTION of amount of how you hurt me.. oh, how naive of me to think i had right to react  to something so dirty], Telling me i am an ugly person... There is nothing more unattractive than an individual avoiding guilt and pointing fingers, like a bratty toddler with a "me me me" mindset.  I forgave him because he proved his sincerity, I forgave you because I knew the person you were capable of being but you have forced me to second guess every moment of our being not by the lack of apologetic tone, not by the shit you pulled [and oh if your scumbag friend only knew what really was], not by the twisted word game you attempted to play, but by the way you were so quick to turn your back and throw me to the rats you call 'friends' - those rats who choose not tell you as it is, but tell you as they feel you want it to be, those rats you lie to, to avoid being left alone, bitter and cold, those rats that 'God willing' never be forced to experience the pain you slyly cause.  You jokingly called yourself a liar time and time again, i simply wish i would have chosen to believe you, followed my instincts and rid you from my life. Black cloud, no silver lining, the cards never lie.  It's sad really, it really is & the most depressing thing yet, i know you are not a horrible person.. i still believe in you..  because that is who I AM.. I just don't want anything to do with you after the words you spread.  Keep playing victim to your circumstance, it will get you everywhere in life as it has in the past.. i am sure of it.

thank you for the memories & thank you for the lesson.

signed,| dumpling