lightbulb went dim but i replaced it

at times i forget why i am hereand then other times i slightly remember frustration lingers around dark alley ways of corners upon corners of lights in a distant hazed portrait of where i am meant to be, next. never realizing my feet stand strong within my own path of 'why am i here, again?' questions upon questions self doubt, self mutilation self love, self obsession narcissicm, hedonistic, self sacrificing, giving too forgiving i have always been told i am 'too forgiving'

at times i forget why i am here and then other times i slightly remember

it is frightening to realize we are not constant i have had this obsession with grave yards and tunnels avoiding the light as if i were allergic spotlight vision, fleeing reality for an instant upon instant forgetting to feel because feeling meant hurting yet hurting meant healing and healing meant living this vicious cycle of 'why am i here' mindsets. so why am i here? and i continue