i began to say goodbye 2 weeks ago.

i have built walls deep, beautifully sculpted stones to attract your eager sense of newness to the surface.. just enough to fall in love with an image i cast forward to a public eye, yet strong enough to avoid remitting any of my passion craved, emotion driven interior.. pushing you further and further away, each day a new footprint backward has been traced, & this i eagerly live for.  you know me, just enough to continue confused.  a barricade will never meet a successor and i, witness myself as if an out of body experience were being cast, starving artists craving a scene, watching closely, as each day blessed you breathe one less breath of obsession.  too difficult, too quick to leave, too eager to give up.  you have the power to break me, won't you see?  and no one bids on broken product, art is no longer considered a 'masterpiece' when chipped and faded... so with each game started, each plot of attack shot forward, i pay attention to your mind like a game of chess.. learning your faults and your strengths, falling in love ever so.. give you what you want to hear and box our love in between beautifully carved stones, escaping an emotion i may never readily invite.  this game of love, a tug of war game.. i forfeit, i surrender, i give up.  my heart knows how to let you in, it merely knows not how to let me out. i began to say goodbye two weeks ago and witnessed my routine like endeavor about 2 sentences back.  the downward spiral has begun.