pine sol & after thoughts

Frozen. blurred faces formed movement, discombobulated images of second guessing-third guessing-remain frozen; time becoming repetitive.  circles upon circles forming this labyrinth to insides, images of Broken promises, obsessive secrets, holding on so tight to feel again.. feel alive.. remain free yet somehow strangled & tied up, frozen.  inspiration losing focus.  too many words, jumbled thoughts, second guessing-third guessing-remain mute. a sense of loneliness yet over crowded with blurred faces forming movement, words birthing sentences, growing paragraphs & aging stories yet, I missed the point.. I missed the meaning.  ears only welcomed in between insinuated stories.  secrets bringing obsessive excitement, party favors behind password locked doors, a driven frustration reminding you how badly we do not belong, we will never belong.  existing between torn realities caressing thoughts, forget me nots’ attacking  eyelids.  ears ringing with hopes for a positive note being forced through.  I miss your voice. I miss your touch. Yet most of all, I miss me before any of this, before you, before us.  secrets of passion frozen. finding myself bruising knees, scrubbing floors, to rid this room of any sort of memory or meaning or motive you fingerprinted upon the surface.  I look forward to the days ahead yet cringe with realistic thought, each one crossed off the calendar of hope merely forces choked words thrown up.  the moment the goodbye meets quivering lips, pretending as if our secrets will mean more, living this passionate love affair for a moment in time.. not enough. lost grasp, lonely hands, no meaning.  frozen. just frozen.

lost in a dark lit room avoiding the sunlight I need the dark because it comforts my dreams the one safe place we might mean something worth meaning. deep red wine, contemplating a cigarette painting, writing, ridding my mind of your canvas a thrown up portrait, dirty sick forgotten