a present

dont talk to avoid speaking truth. falling victim to a doubtful shouting spree in between broken hearts and stuttered words of meaning something worth meaning. We never mean to mean anything anymore and it hurts so bad it begins to feel good, only to stab a wound deep and struggle for air to.. breathe, fixate, survive. Once upon a time you were my go to vice, my escape from it all, my hope, my being, my friend, my family, my everything until you left.  Left me dumbfounded and ashamed of being me. Never good enough to the outside world but you were in, it wasn’t supposed to be this way between us, we were different, we were us.. until us was were and we remain blurred, an incision to a memory, sewn up and forgotten. Mistake mistake mistake.  Visualize our life a mistake.  Tears forming hurricanes upon rosy cheeks and bitten lips, chitter chattering teeth and a gut driven gnaw, a plea in a sense.. why can’t we just go back to how things used to be.. before we were us and us we were.