no future.

words as a form of protection.forming a parallel universe in between what should be, what could be, what is. breaking down images within my mind time to time i find myself on the verge of this break down. a passion filled break down. never wanting to be that girl nodding head and smiling. agreeing with life and the path it is taking me losing control. never craving to be that girl everyone fantasizes over owning. accepted for an image i cast forward losing myself.

who am i today? who was i yesterday? who will i be tomorrow.. for that matter? does it all even matter?

18,000 feet in the air sun setting.. taking time to breathe in life and insecurities engulfing my scenery stories upon stories shoved in this over crowded box some in full conversation, exploiting life others with eyes strongly closed, breathing heavily waiting for safety take time to watch, take time to listen.. as i did for those 45 minutes of promise i am infatuated with people i am infatuated with culture i am infatuated with life and history and memories yet to experience. i was a part of your life today i touched the other side of the world merely muttering 3 words. i don't want to pretend anymore i never want to watch another day pass by acting as if i am ok with where things are or where things are going... because i'm not. i want to put my soul in the universe, my heart in your palm, beating.. sheepishly cowardly, yet still beating.. hoping, second guessing, yet still beating.. waiting no longer it is your choice to accept my faults and love me as i love you today. not for tomorrow not for yesterday not for anything more than today. because today is all you & i really have no matter the circumstance. i clear my conscience and come clean. insecurities washed free. self doubt forming strength. i am in love with you, my today & i promise to never cheat on you again with yesterday or tomorrow.

ever again

i am now.