[written : 28 June 2007]
don't even know where to begin..
so as i take time perfecting the emotions my heart has been confusing my mind with .. for some time, i'll imagine the ink staining the paper with my personal story with a sonnet type feel.. to express what has been locked up for some time.
fearful and intimidated.
imagine your life altering with one kiss. i have been fearful for sometime now for he broke my heart yet he took my heart yet you have my heart waiting for you on the table like an over used accessory the "hand me down" store has turned away. i circle my fingertips across the imagery of today as if i am waiting for that prince charming to pick me up.. make everything ok and kiss my bruises.. only because he wants to.. he wants me to feel like his queen and take me into his arms with support and protection.. no one can break in to rob us of this love.. if only.
nervous and awkward.
weak in the knees at the thought of moving past innocent flirtacious acts.. that, that i am ok with.. but when the flirting begins to take its toll and the debter has come to collect.. i run away with my heart in between my palms, never looking back or even glancing for that chance you may be that prince charming sent to hold my hand and ease me to slow my speed.. turn my head with your forefinger and kiss my tears that have been trespassing my face for some time now. however, even with that in my mind.. i feel i am more afraid of loving then of heartbreak.. for to love is to be free of pain and anxiety and completely open.. as if you are naked in the middle of an over crowded room feeling as if you should be screaming for someone to merely hug you.. when in reality, love does not force you to scream.. it obliges you to listen, to accept and to embrace.. am i strong enough for this taste of emotion? do i have what it takes to completely open my heart to another human? running away is so much easier and much more inviting.. for running away means never feeling that gut wrenching butterfly infused naked spell binding cover to your eyes.. love is blind, love is blind.. remember those words..?
innocent and unkept.
i have given my heart to you and marked it with a double postage stamp to ensure delivery.. yet still with a mission incomplete i wake up each morning with a package on my door step of "return to sender" branded on the lable. this is getting pricey my love and the debt is growing fierce. for loving you freely may result in bankruptcy.. and i feel my thoughts of kissing you in the morning are slowly fading into the abyss. i gave my heart away once.. and want it back.. so one day i can meet my prince charming with an open mind and realize i am worthy of this love he is willing to fall for, he is willing to remain weak for, he is willing to fight for... he is willing to be patient for
and i am willing to be completely naked for. no walls, no second guessing, no worries... just love, complete and utter love.