if i were strong, this is what i would say :
"i think i'm going to dissappear clear my screen and boycott poetry boycott imagery & boycott any sort of inspirational tone so that i may torture your mind as you have done to mine. torture and prawd pick and plee flee until you collapse and come running back to me weak in the knees suffering short of breath but enough words to utter this
"i can't not speak to you, i just can't"
but the fear in my mind is taunting my own repeating this is one sided and i'm holding my breath for a heart attack of reality, shocking reality i so vividly fear..
so my yearning for strength subsides pride takes a repetitive blow obsessive artistic endurance grows and grows and... makes my eyes return to my screen
time and time again. searching, for something.
sigh.. i need vitamins to build endurance strengthen my knees and stand up, awkward yet strong.
not in love with you please do not misread these words i feel something different between.. unlike any other.. mundane shit, awkward conversation never having touched our world who knows.. a somewhat forever
so i choose to attempt a.. self driven hypnosis sort of takeover avoid the thoughts and move forward untouched.
until SNAP! until SNAP! until... ... .. S N A P this girl aint wakin up.
weak bitch, strong words.