4:12am on a Friday Morning

A voice to the thought of mysterious minds,late night conversation spewing colorful insides of adjectives and insecurities run deep.. meaning something more than existing, for the first time in what seems an eternity touching thoughts provoked by lovers lives past, nothing more intellectual than a poetic conversation between a woman and a man, a friend to a friend. no pressure built up, simple pleasure a like minded individual, at times to the extent of no words being said, yet you hear me & i hear you, more than you may know  letters dancing circles in between lips of intriguing sound, visually enticing, these vibrant words.. heart beat multiplying, lost in a moment not meant to control.. allowing emotions to be released attemptng to ignore a mind filled with second guessing insanely driven monsters attempting to downgrade the antics. Withering roots of congested head shit repeating and taunting and repeating and taunting, "I don’t deserve to feel this free.." completely free to the point of a surreal pain, an addicive hurt.

I’ve been told I hide my insides as if threatened for a black market type of profit, running and hiding & fleeing after a momentary lapse of judgment, weakening in the knees, letting you in to break my everything, this foundation i have built, personally for the mere point of avoiding your kind not only attacking my heart but sqatting my mind as i watch the clock antagonizing my ears another step closer to the moment you disappear as it has happened, time and time again quivering nerves and broken fingers, not even able to write for lack of spirit.. a too familiar moment of my life I fear, experiencing a torn apart mumbo jumbo filled mind shattered heart hating my past shutting you out and you out and you out to avoid ever feeling this way again. Circling manipulation on a personal note, I’d rather stop us in our tracks, at this very moment and continue forward unkept and untouched, yet the more my mind screams FLEE the more my feet grow numb and paralyze the moment.

I’m fucked.

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